Underneath It All
by playk1092
Summary: Just for once I want someone to listen.' That's what I did.I listened to Ella's heartfelt messages she left on the tapes. It was weird cause I felt like I knew her. Yet, she was such a mystery, a mystery that would soon be unraveled.
1. Introduction

**A/N: THIS STORY HAS BEEN STUCK IN MY BRAIN FOR A WHILE. EVERY TIME I TRY AND WRITE A CHAPTER FOR WHTM & TSLOAVB I GET SIDE SWEPT WITH THOUGHTS OF THIS STORY, SO I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN ABLE TO WRITE ANYTHING FOR THOSE STORIES, BUT I WILL BE UPDATING THOSE SOON. I KNOW, I HAVE TWO UNCOMPLETED STORIES & THIS ONE BUT, OH WELL. I GOT THIS IDEA FROM A BOOK THAT I READ CALL THIRTEEN REASONS WHY BY JAY ASHER(GOOD BOOK BTW), AND I REALLY LIKE THE WAY ITS WRITTEN IN A DUEL NARRATIVE. SOUNDS CONFUSING RIGHT? IT'S NOT, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO READ IT TO UNDERSTAND. I'M KIND OF JUST TESTING THE WATERS WITH THIS STORY, TO SEE IF YOU GUYS LIKE IT OR HATE IT. FEEDBACK WOULD BE GREAT SO I KNOW IF I SHOULD CONTINUE WITH THIS STORY. ITS KIND OF LIKE A SAMPLE CHAPTER. ANYWAYS, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.**

INTRODUCTION:

_If your listening to these tapes, then congratulations. You've found where I've hidden them. You must have stumbled across them cause they were not meant to be easily found. I've thought long and hard about what lies on these tapes. They're the thoughts of a girl who feels so lost in the world. So I thought if someone found them, would they think it was trash? Would they bother to even open the box and discover it's contents? If they did open the box, would they listen? Would they care enough to not think this is a joke. Would they continue and listen to the words of a girl who was spilling her soul? So I think that's the reason I left them behind. To convince myself that someone does care enough to listen to my struggles. Even if you haven't the slightest clue of who I am, what look like, or what I believe in. I want someone to care about what I have to say. Just for once I want someone to listen._

Stumbled. The perfect word to describe how I found these tapes. Purely by accident was how I'd discovered the light purple shoe box, decorated with little drawings of flowers, hearts and even a few stickers. What I had thought was that the box was something the previous owners of the house had left behind. Or, maybe it was trash, something they didn't want. But why would it be here? Hidden away like it was wasn't meant to be found?

We had just moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico. It was a foreign place to me, so much more different than Colorado. It lacked the beauty and subtle qualities that Colorado had. In other words, I hated it. My dad was offered a coaching job at East High. The money was better and the team seemed more hopeful than the one he was coaching, the one I played on also. I had the whole summer to say bye to old friends and say goodbye to the one place I lived my whole life. I thought it was a major turning point in my life, but I had no idea that that turning point would be replaced.

We arrived at our new home 1 month before school started. The first thing I thought as I stepped out of the moving van was 'Man, it's hot.'. I looked around my new neighborhood, and noticed that our house was one of the many cookie cutters that occupied the block. I turned my attention to the house, my new home looked fairly large for only three people, but that also meant more room for me. When I entered the house, I didn't care about the kitchen or the living room. I just wanted to find my room. My parents had already told me which room would be mine. It was the last door at the end of the hall. I walked up the stairs and walked straight to the door at the end of the hall.

_If your still listening, thank you. I should tell you a little about myself. I'm 17 years old, I have long dark brown hair. I love to read. I'm quiet, I'm a good listener. But as you'll soon find out I'm a pretty good talker too. Now, this is the last tape that I've recorded, because as I said before, I originally wasn't going to leave these behind. I've forgotten how many tapes I've recorded over the few months. I know there's a lot of them. Don't be overwhelmed. What lies on these tapes is my life. It's very important that you keep these tapes to yourself. Don't expose them to the world and let people make a mockery of my life. People do that enough as it is._

When I opened the door, I was expecting a room. Nope. No room, only a flight of stairs. At the top of the stairs there was another door. I walked up the stairs, thinking about how when I looked at my new house outside, I didn't notice a third story. I opened the door and to my surprise I found a room. I was half expecting a dingy attic. It was bright room, with cream colored walls. It was very bright and large. I liked it. So far, it was the only thing I liked in Albuquerque. On one side of the room there was a large built-in book shelf. 'It must have been a library or office or something.' I thought to myself.

"Hey. It's nice? Isn't it?" I turned around and see my dad standing in front of the door with his arms folded across his chest.

"Yeah! It's like a little apartment up here!"

"I think it used to be the attic but the previous home owners obviously didn't want an attic." He paused and walked over to where the bookshelf was. "Are you sure you want your okay with it? I mean, we can always give you one of the other rooms. You know, you might get lonely."

"No. I'm fine. Trust me."I said.

"Alright, come get some of your stuff out of the moving van." I followed my dad and prepared myself for a few hours of heavy lifting.

_ When and if you finish listening to these tapes. Don't throw them away, or forget about them. I want you to take care of them and pass them on. Even though I won't ever know what happens to these tapes, I want to believe that the people who come across these tapes have respect for the tapes. Because what lies ahead on the others, well, they happen to be some of the worst moments of my life. This is only an introduction. This is only the beginning of the end. _

"I think this last box is yours." My dad says. I take the box, which is light compared to the others we had to bring into our new house. We moved in the boxes and furniture, while mom unpacked the boxes. "We'll put the furniture together tomorrow. I think we've done enough for one day." With the box in hand I walked into my house I finally took a look at my surroundings. I looked into the living room which was painted a faint yellow color. Empty boxes were laying everywhere, our couches where lying in the middle of the large room, and our t.v. in the corner. The house was nice, but it still didn't feel like home. I had a feeling it wouldn't feel like home for a while. I walked up the stairs to the second story and noticed three empty bedrooms probably to be used as a guest bedrooms, or an office or something. I walked down the hall down to my room and opened the first door, and closed it behind. The stairwell was dim as I started to take the stairs by two to get to my suite upstairs faster. Earlier, if I'd been paying closer attention to my surroundings, I would've noticed that one of the steps had a little edge at the end. But, I didn't. In my extreme haste to get up the stairs, my foot got caught under the little edge that I hadn't noticed previously, sending my body forward. The box in my hands flew behind me and tumbled down the remainder of stairs.

"Everything all right Troy?" I heard my mom yell from beyond the door.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just tripped."

"Ok. Be more careful next time." She said in a caring voice. I got up and went down the rest of the stairs to retrieve the box. I saw the spot where I tripped, not because I knew where I fell, but because of the step. Its edge was slightly longer than the others, which I thought was weird. I had no idea why I was doing this, but as I inspected the stair furthermore, I noticed that it looked more like a elongated miniature trunk. I sat the box down and put my fingers under the edge of the stair and started to lift. I didn't know what compelled me to do this, but if I hadn't I wouldn't have found the light purple shoe box. It turned out that the stair was a secret compartment. I closed the the stair, or compartment, or whatever you would call it and started at the shoe box. I shook it a little and felt the contents rattle inside. The shoe box didn't look old or valuble but I wanted to see what was inside anyways. As I took the lid off the box, I found myself confused over the contents. Inside the box were old-school cassette tapes, like the one's in the 80's. Each one was marked with numbers, and one marked 'Introduction.' There was also a black old-school cassette player. That's kinda where it all began.

_These tapes, they....well for lack of better words, they put me back together. Maybe, if you're in pieces like I was, they'll put you back together too......Bye. _

As I finished listening to the first tape marked 'Introduction' I didn't know what to think. Yet, I was intrigued by that girl on the tape. I didn't even know her name, but she spoke such mysterious words on the tape. I didn't want to listen to the rest of the tapes, scared of what might lie ahead on them, but another part of me wanted to listen so badly and unravel the mystery of this girl. The sound of her voice over the slight static of the recorder was music to my ears. It was a sweet voice, a voice I could listen to all day, and that's what I did with those tapes. I listened to them until I finally did unravel the inner thoughts of that mysterious girl.

**TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. SHOULD I CONTINUE WITH THIS STORY?**


	2. Tape One,The Reason

**A/N: So I'm happy with all the positive reviews on this story! I'm really glad you guys like it! Thanks so much! Especially prettykouka, your review was amazing & it made me feel amazing as a writer, so thanks. I really hope you like this chapter. Sorry for any mistakes!!**

TAPE ONE-THE REASON:

With the sleep still evident in my body, I lifted my head off my pillow and checked my cell phone for the time. It was 9:45 in the morning and the smell of bacon lingered from downstairs. I looked over the row of shelves on the wall, and at the very top sat the shoe box. After I discovered the tapes last night, I didn't want to listen to them all at once. I really wanted to listen to her words and figure out what they meant. I wanted to grant her request and just listen. I didn't know her and I was already doing a favor for her. Her first tape left a lasting impression on me and I couldn't get her voice out of my head. I was itching to listen to the rest of the tapes but I knew we had to finish moving in completely. I got up out of bed and took and one last look at the box before I jumped into the shower.

"Morning tiger." My mom said gingerly. I winced at my child hood nickname, given to me because when I was 4 I decided that I wanted to be a tiger so my I made everyone I knew call me tiger, and unfortunately the name stuck with me. She sat a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs in front of me. "So? Did you sleep good up there?"

"Yeah. Just fine." I said with my mouth full of eggs. "I still wish we didn't have to move here. It's so hot here you can't even walk out side barefoot without scalding your feet."

"It's just gonna take some time. I didn't want to move either, but it's not about me or you. It was about us as a family. Your dad took this job for us." I nodded my head, and started to acknowledge that I wasn't the only one who didn't want to move. As I finsihed my breakfast in recored time I got up and placed my dirty plate in the sink.

"Where is dad anyways? I wanna get this moving in stuff over with." I said leaning on the counter.

"Oh. That's right. He told me to tell you that he's got some guys coming over to finish. He's at East High right now meeting with the principle." She smiled at me. "And he called and told me that the school was really nice and that you'd fit in great."

"I'm sure I will mom. I'm going back to my room." I knew exactly what I was going to do. When I entered my room I retrieved the box from its spot on the shelf. I carried it carefully to my bed as if it was a sacred artifact. I took out the tape player and sat it lightly on my bed. I fished through the tapes to find the one marked #1(02-12-08/02-23-08). I placed the tape in the cassette player and put the earphones in my ears. I established myself into a lying position on the bed and pressed play.

At first all I heard was the static of it in the background. Then, a long sigh.

_Today is February 12. I found this stuff last night in one of the boxes. A whole pack of cassette tapes and a cassette recorder. _It was the same girl, but she didn't sound the same. _ Yesterday was my 17th birthday. All I got was a card and money from my grandmother. My dad was....out of it. _She sounded so dreary. Much different than the introduction tape. _But I'm fine with it. Cause I'm having a hard time too. He just doesn't see it. No one can see what it does to me. _Then I heard the static in the background again and a click. _Today is February 14. Today in class the counselors, came to all the classrooms to talk about suicide. I could fell everyones eyes on locked on me. They told everyone the signs of suicide: lost of interest in everyday things one used to enjoy, agitation, trouble sleeping or eating. It felt like the counselors were just talking to me and no one else, like i was going to go kill myself right after school. _Her tone was bitter. _It's like everyone expects me to go and kill myself. Everyone wants me to talk about it. But I won't. I have so many things pent up inside of me that I need to let out. _She took a breath and was a few seconds of silent static. _I don't know where everything went wrong. I'm still trying to figure it out. _More silence. _It feels good to talk to this old thing. You won't judge me. _Click.

I paused the tape trying to take everything in and put a few pieces together. Did she try to kill herself? Did she go to East High? There were so many questions that probably can't be answered easily. I pressed the play button again.

_Today is February 17. I can't sleep. So here I am talking to this thing. Again. But it helps I guess. I'm in the shed right now. _The shed? _I come here when I need quiet time. Or just to think about stuff. I find myself here a lot more often now. I even slept out here a few nights ago. Dad went crazy when he couldn't find me. He thought I'd left him too. _I paused the tape and looked out my window and scanned the back yard and there it was in the far corner. I put on a pair of shoes and put the bulky cassette player in my pocket.

"Where are you going?"

"Just out back."

"Oh Okay. Well have fun." As I walked outside I felt the sweltering heat overcome my body. I walked over to the shed and peeked through the small window beside the door. There was nothing inside, but the mere fact the girl found this place a safe haven compelled me to go inside. I walked in, leaving the door open to allow air to come inside the shed. I sat down on the concrete floor and pressed play. _But I couldn't leave him. Especially now. Its seems now that all I do is worry about dad when it should be vice versa. He thinks I don't care about what happened, but how could I not care? Not one person can notice how much guilt I feel. When the truth is, how could I feel guilty for something out of my control. It was something no one saw coming even under the circumstances. I wish I could talk to my friends about all this. But these emotions are just so intense. I've never felt anything like them before. There's grief, anxiety, guilt, hatred, stress, fear, abandonment. All those emotions and feelings in one scared teenage girl. _Click.

As I sat in the hot and empty shed, I wondered what made her feel that way. I felt a few drops of sweat roll down the back of my neck. I was almost afraid to press play again. For some reason I felt a little guilty listening to her troubling life. But this is what she wanted. So I was going to obey her wishes. _Today is February 23. School has been excruciatingly long for me these past couple of weeks. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything. My grades have gone from A's to C's and they may go even lower. I feel invisible but I know I'm not. I know that people care for me. I see it in their eyes but I refuse to accept it. I just want to be left alone right now. People just need to give me space. My best friend's birthday is next month but she's having her party today. I started helping her plan it in December. __She's mad at me because I'm not going and has been ignoring to me for the past 3 days. _Her voice was quiet. _But how could she be mad at me. How can she not comprehend the reason I'm not going. I just keep wondering how she would feel if...if....if her mom killed herself. If I was mad at her for not going to a party of mine. I guess she can't be considered a friend anymore. Everytime I'm around her she makes these asinine jokes saying, "Oh, I'd rather kill myself than wear that outfit." Then she realizes what she said and just laughs it off and says "Oops." She won't even say sorry. I've known her since I was 12 and she knew my mom. I just don't see how she could even be mad at me for missing a party. I just...I miss my mom so much. I miss the way things used to be._Click.

I understand now. I understand the underlying meaning now of every word she's said on this tape and the introduction. She lost her mother. Not by accident but by suicide. I wouldn't even have the slightest idea on how to survive without my mother, especially if she killed herself. I can't even comprehend the feelings and emotions she had to go through. That was the last entry on the first tape. I ran my fingers through my damp her and exhaled a long breath.

"Hey. What are you doing in there?" There were two shadowy figures from behind the dirty window. I took the earphones out of my ears and got up from the floor and went to open the door. There were two boys standing on the other side who looked to be about my age. One was was almost a head taller due to his bushy afro, and the other a little shorter than me.

"Uh. I don't really have anything else better to do. You are?"

"Oh. Right. I live at the end of the street and my dad said that the new East High basketball coach moved in down the street. So, me and my good friend Jason decided to come over and do some ass-kissing. Your mom said he's not here, but said you were out here. I'm Chad by the way." Said the on the one with the Afro.

"And I'm Jason. You play ball?"

"Yeah I do actually. I'm Troy. My friends back home called me Hoops."

"Well, Hoops how do you like New Mexico. Is it hot enough for you?" Jason asked.

"It's too hot if you ask me. So how good is this East High team?"

"We're not good. We're amazing. We won the state championship last year and we plan to do it again."

"Good. My old school wasn't so great." There was a small silence, so I just decided to go for it. "Do you know who used to live here?"

They exchanged a small look. "Yeah. She was a really good friend of ours." Chad said.

"Was?" Did she commit suicide too? Was her own mom's suicide too much for her to handle?

"No, I meant _is_. She and my girlfriend Taylor became really good friends after she was going through a really hard time. She and her dad moved out and went to live with her grandmother in Arizona right after school ended. She said she didn't know if she would be coming back to Albuquerque." Chad said.

"Oh." What would I do if she did come back?

"We're gonna get going, but if you wanna play some ball. Come over to my house. I've got a half court in my back yard. It's the house with the U of A flag." He shrugged his shoulders and said "Dad's a fan. See ya." I waved to goodbye to Chad and Jason as they left the backyard. My mind immediatley went back to the girl on the tape. I should've asked what her name was, but that would be a little weird.

I wondered if she and her dad left Albuquerque to get away for a while or to get away forever. A part of me wished her all the best, for her to continue to live her life as normally as possible. But if she was to come back to Albuquerque I don't know how I'd act knowing some of her deep dark secrets. I wouldn't even be able to look at her in the eyes. That is if she'd even know it was me that held the tapes. She couldn't really know that I had the tapes for a fact, since I did only find them by accident. Yet, another part of me wanted to see this girl. I wanted to see if she was as broken as she is one the outside as she is inside. I want to be able to make her smile and make her forget for a while and be free. Even though on the introduction tape she sounded fine, I wondered if she actually was fine. Even though I'd be nervous in her presence I'd still want to get to know her and help her heal her wounded soul completely.

**I hope you guys liked it! **

**Review!**


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